420 ftw
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
