remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
