shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
