Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
