What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
