I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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