I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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