Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
