I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
