Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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