if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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