Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
