girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
