I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize