He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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