So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
