At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He felt like a one man threesome
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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