D3 body, D1 cock
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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