Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
