hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
