even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
