i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We just shotgunned beers for America
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
