Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize