So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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