this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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