..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
