i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
