He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
