You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
