woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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