I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
