____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I need to align my fucking chakras
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
