Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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