I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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