K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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