dude i'm inner monologue high
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
