i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
