you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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