He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
