we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
