I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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