Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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