You're so nebulous sometimes
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
