Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
