the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
