tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my poor anus
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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