I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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