I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
