Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
