i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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