were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
