just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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