I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
