Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
