My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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