tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
