I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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