So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Holy shit dude........stairs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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