My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
