I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
