WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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