i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
