I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
