Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
