okay pat passed out under dana's car
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
