Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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