Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize