i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
