I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
