just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
someone owes me an orgasm
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize