Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
