Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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