dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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