One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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