Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
