Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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