Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
