I hate your face
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
